Fuck Off

If one more person asks me for money on the streets of Chicago I'm going to pepper spray them. I used to be a very generous soul but as I get older this bleeding heart of mine has been flicked out the window like a joint when you spot the cops. If these people hadn't pissed off, stolen from or deceived every single person in their lives that ever cared about them they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.  There's a recession on you useless waste of space and I need the money for booze too. And if one more person tries to get me to give them a "donation" for handing me a "FREE" paper like "The Onion" BEWARE because you may see me on the news later. I'll be standing on top of a skyscraper with a sniper (don't worry I'll find a way to get one, some crazy gun hoarder hates these people as much as I do) and it will be "shoot to kill" on anyone I see with a cup for change or a sign (I can see that far because the gun hoarder dude will also lend me some nifty eyewear). On the other hand, if you ask me to buy you lunch I will be happy to oblige. I always do. With a smile. I'll even let you keep the change.